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The Narcissist doesn’t want your love, they don’t know what love is. They want your admiration and your obedience as a player in their fake make-believe world.

This is a topic that hits close to home. As I researched about human behavior, I realized that the Narcissist was someone I used to date. I noticed some of his characteristics that were alarming, yet was not strong enough to leave, I decided to write this blog post to hopefully help out others that may be in the situation I once was in.

To begin,narcissists lack the basics levels of empathy for others. This includes a constant need for validation, a willingness to control people, and a ruthlessness in getting their needs met. That being said, the narcissist thrives on other’s fear.. Narcissists haven’t learned that the only true power is love-of self, others and the universe. And if you have ever fallen in love with someone like this, you know how painful it can be. 

Now painful relationships can be blessings in disguise. They unwrap our deepest wounds for us to heal. They can free us by helping us reclaim our own power.

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So, how do you know for sure if you’re dealing with a narcissist? Here are 9 signs to look for:

  1. A narcissist will often call you “crazy” (and slowly start to convince you that you are!)  They are known to use “gaslighting,” which is a form of psychological abuse used to create anxiety and confusion. Which creates those to lower their own trust in themselves and their ability to discern what is real and what is healthy.
  2. He or she use your personal insecurities or struggles to make you feel not good enough. Personal insecurities that you may not have otherwise been aware of seem to be a constant source of tension and are often pointed out critically and insensitively.

and she was made to appear crazy by the man who drove her there

-r.h. Sin

3. You’re constantly being blamed. It is NEVER their fault! Narcissists don’t accept that they create their own reality. Instead, they are constantly hurt by your behavior and project the blame onto you. Their responses are triggered by unhealed wounds, so they’re trying to relieve pain, subconsciously, through harmful emotional abuse. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.

4. Are they hot and heavy in the beginning… The beginning of the relationship is like all of the scorching scenes in Sex and the City! They are all about you and the relationship seems like a fairy tale. We love being pursued and showered with attention by someone charismatic and charming. Whisk us away Prince!

5. Hot and cold. When they have your trust, they will flip on you, pull back, making you feel crazy. Vulnerability? Ha! That would shatter their poor ego.

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Narcissists will destroy your life and erode your self-esteem and do it with such stealth as to make you feel as YOU are the one that is letting them down.

6. Trophy Complex! Does your love interest seem to always come at the right time? Fixing problems like a hero or heroine? Do they have a sense of false image convincing everyone they are truly better than who they really are?

7. You start feeling obsessive, needy or codependent after spending time with this person. Seriously this one is a huge red flag and I know from experience. An em-path’s light is bright; highly sensitive individuals have a high love quotient. We are always there to love and support. Though if you are feeling obsessive, comparing, needy, codependent and definitely drained, JUMP SHIP!

8. Lashing out and behaving like the narcissist. You’re not being heard so we tend to lash out or become reactive in ways similar to the narcissist themselves. Scary!

9. They are genuinely damaged yet not open to healing. They are phenomenal at appearing they are damaged or need our help. It is not your job to save or fix someone! DO NOT FIX THEM!

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Why are we Attracted to Narcissists?

Well, for one, society does a wonderful job of glamorizing these personality types. The Narcissist is the “charmer.” Feeding off of drama and romanticizing over the pain of love.

Connection through pain is the new sexy. 

If you are attracted closely to Narcissistic patterns, You may have childhood trauma you need to heal.

As we grow, we attract partners who reflect our wounds until we heal them. Deep stuff I know, this we can go over in depth in another blog. We create relationships that mirror our past hurts so vividly that we can no longer ignore them.

These relationships show up over and over. They can be romantic or not. This is true when the relationship feels and has similarities to someone you have dated or been in contact with before yet it is a new relationship. 

Time to get down and dirty on healing those deep seeded pains. 

These are growing opportunities, which can allow us to heal so that we have the ability to move into relationships rooted in love and service.

If we are still trying to prove our worth, we attract narcissists.

How do we get out of this mess?

The way out of a narcissistic relationships is not easy, especially when there are deep feelings from your end. They are also manipulative. Yet, it begins with awareness, which if you are reading this I hope that is enough. Follow the awareness by taking responsibility for our actions and feelings learning how to love ourselves enough to LEAVE. What happens when we blame the narcissist for our pain is that we become even more needy and codependent. They will also make us feel bad about ourselves so that we feel we can never do better.

Blame keeps us trapped!

The narcissist is not responsible for our wounds. They may trigger our wounds. What we decide to do with this information is up to us. It is time to gain self love and rise above!

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