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How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours – Wayne Dyer

Relationships are everywhere. Work, home, pets, friends, family… Everywhere you look, turn, and run there are relationships there to support you or there are relationships there to dethrone you.

Something that has been difficult for me to understand and grasp fully, is that you can never control the other person. You may not understand or know how the other person is feeling. You can’t always understand why the person does what they do. You can’t dictate how they react. Most importantly You Cannot Change The Past.

Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home.. it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it

-Chuck Palahniuk

I was in an extremely toxic relationship for roughly five years. It was on and off, if you can relate. It was not physically abusive, though mentally and verbally it fit the bill.

It broke me.

I kept going back and kept thinking there was something wrong with me. I felt that this person, just like I was doing for them, had my best interest at heart.

I would only feel secure when he showed me affection. When it was absent I would spiral into deep dark depression thinking “What am I doing wrong to not receive his love?” Yet, as I look back his love was only empty promises, empty lines, empty “I love you’s”, “I will never leave you”, “You are everything to me”

Then, after the second time I caught him speaking to one of his exes, I realized how I was walking on eggshells. How I was living a fraction of my life. Most of it in fear. The other half in false hope. Every time we would break up, or I felt the strength to walk away, I would come back because I wanted to feel that love, appreciation, affection. Only to feel like I had made the worst decision and wondering if he was messaging anyone else.

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go – Hermann Hesse

I remember the times we would separate or argue. I wasn’t able to eat, sleep, I felt scared, and I felt alone. I know I had so many people in my “corner” telling me how this was better for me and he had done me a favor. All I could think of was how desperate I felt to get him back or figure out why I wasn’t good enough for him.

 I was scared to be alone. I was scared of only having myself. I didn’t have many close friends any more due to isolating myself throughout the relationship. Also, loosing many disapproving friends. Though, through these times I would start to work on myself. Lean on books by Louise Hay, Gabby Bernstein and Wayne Dyer. Started exercising, eating well and feeling much happier. Which is usually when the timing came for him to come right back into my world.

Finally the end…

It was December 2015, he was distant, abrasive, and short with me. He stayed out with “friends” and slept on the couch. The inevitable happened. He broke it off with me. I remember that Thursday night. Crying and begging him to work on things and that I was sorry for whatever I may have done. That Friday morning driving his kids to school saying goodbye for good, my things in tow.

Not realizing that this definitely a God send.
I  slowly started to improve yet again.  Even though I was feeling better about myself, I still had a long way to go. Which then I noticed I was trying to use other relationships as a safety net. My heart has been broken many times. My mind is still broken. Which tends to spiral me into the black abyss.  All of these distractions that add to the depression that overlays my external persona.
I still battle with anxiety and depression and it can create tension in all relationships that I have. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of responding incorrectly. Fear of hurting someone. Fear of acting like I am better than someone else.

There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go – Jessica Hatchigan

These thoughts are on a negative reel that plays in my head daily. It affects me the most when I am romantically with someone. I lash out when I feel down on myself. I break out in tears when I feel overwhelmed. I am accusatory. I have nights I want to curl under the covers and ignore everyone and maybe sleep for two days straight. Then be upset that I wasted valuable time. I hate myself because I can see my anxiety causing issues yet I can’t control it as easily as I would like.

So this is where I am – trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. Working with a therapist and trying to use other outlets, such as blogging, to help release these negative thoughts and hopefully reaching someone else. Maybe shedding some light to others that are close to me. Which when reading this they will go “That is why you are doing that” It is me trying to be strong and transparent, loving and compassionate, supportive and brave for all those other struggling with similar situations.

4 TIPS TO USE WHEN YOU’RE GROWING SPIRITUALLY, YET YOUR PARTNER MAY NOT BE

By Jenna Clark

To all you spiritual gangsters out there, I hear ya!

Growing spiritually, or in other terms awakening your spirit is miraculous.

This is something that I have been deeply working on for the past couple of years. Spirituality is something that I steered away from because of growing up as a Catholic. Not that anything is wrong with this it just turned me off to any church and religion.

I was driven to other avenues and started Yoga Teacher Training. It was life changing! I will have to go more in depth at a later time. I have noticed as I raise my vibration people around me fall out of the picture. Which is very heartbreaking and I am someone who wants to fix things. I am realizing that, not that anyone is better than another, it is a good thing for some to fall away. This allows room for people who are also in the same mindset. Even though some that I felt would be around forever leave other’s start to come into your life who are healthier and a lot more powerful in mind!

Waking up and opening your eyes to Spirituality is fun and exciting.

You get to know who you are on a deeper level as well as the world around you. This is EPIC!

Since, I was a young girl I always felt like there was so much more in life. I never felt like I fit in and always thought deeper than my schoolmates and loved ones around me. I am starting to find others like me, including one of my teachers, Gabby Bernstein!

It is one of the toughest situations starting to grow and become closer to who you are. Your surroundings begin to change, your awareness and those around you start to shift and possibly leave.

For my personal journey, I am beginning to see that I am at this point. Losing those that I thought were my friends and it is also testing my current relationships.

So, how can you better yourself and grow yet also maintain a relationship?

Honestly, I can’t say.

Sorry, I am in the same spot as you may be. BUT! I have some tips that may help you out.

To begin,

Remember that you loved each other for non-spiritual reasons in the first place.

I am pretty sure when you first saw your mate, you were drawn to them for different reasons like similar hobbies, events, or love.

Eventually, you fell so deeply for this person and now we are here!

PS: you may be going through a spiritual awakening or growing, yet that does NOT change anything about your relationship. It was already built before this new you!

On to the next,

Do NOT ever ever ever ever ever think lesser of them.

Once I started learning about healthier eating habits and life choices I shoved it down everyone’s face. I really lost a lot of “friends”. Whoops.

It is great knowledge. It is exciting and enjoyable. Some people are just not ready for its awesomeness. Which is FINE!

I am guilty. Looking down on those around me because their vibration wasn’t raised or raising like mine. I didn’t mean it in a mean way though. In my heart, I just wanted them to have a bite out of the spiritual cookie and enjoy life too.

This is a great time to reflect back on the religious figures, in whatever religion you choose not bias here, and remember how their stories were written.

They preformed incredible miracles and were so vibrationally powerful. Yet, they still lived amongst the poor and healed those who may not have been deserving in other’s minds. Remember to keep yourself humble and grounded.

Invite them to do the new things you enjoy.

Have you ever just asked if they wanted to participate? I may have been judgemental towards my ex- boyfriend when I started to practice yoga. “He totally should be doing this, I feel so much better after and gain more flexibility.” Did I ever ask him?

Maybe once or twice. Looking back now I know that my words were wrapped in fear and judgement. I was judging myself and reflecting it upon him. I felt I couldn’t ask him to join me in my weird voodoo witchcraft because he wouldn’t love me anymore.

Hault! Put on the breaks!

This attitude, this mindset, was all a reflection on my own feelings. There are times now his friends tell him about an issue they are having and he refers them to me. He loves me for me! Even if he calls my actions voodoo or that I am his little witch. I am now comfortable in who I am and what I am doing that I embrace it!

Reminder: we are individuals. Haven’t we been told time and time again to be our own person. Not to conform? Well that is pretty much what you are asking. So Stop it!

Don’t push the issue.

I am definitely not saying to not talk. This is you. You must be open, calm, loving, and inviting. It can hurt when they reject you. Do Not Take Things Personally.

(Read the Four Agreements)

Spirituality is not like a religion that pins you with a responsibility to convert every person you know and meet.

Spirituality is a very personal journey, and if the one you love doesn’t want to join in this adventure, don’t push the issue.

I was feeling upset about this topic, yet with just a small amount of willingness to let go I have been able to separate from feeling offended and judged by my ex-boyfriend. I practice this with my fiance now and I have seen changes in him because I am practicing patience and kindness towards him and myself.

What a beautiful thing!

Until next time Lovelies!

XoXo,

Jenna-Clark-Signature

Self-Love: Become Your Own Soul Mate

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Over the years I have been on a downward spiral of depression, loneliness and addictions. Within the past two years I have been working towards something I have heard a lot about yet never knew how to achieve it or what the fuck those guru people were talking about. That is correct. I am talking about SELF-LOVE.

Is it real? Yes.

Is it obtainable? Yes.

Is it really a life changer? Yes.

I am not sure when it began, yet I really noticed my low self esteem and neediness for outside attention within my high school career. My addiction  to relationships and attention from anyone grew. I was unaware.

Now, a relationship is NEVER the answer to loneliness and especially not to receive attention. Yet, who is around us to tell us that when we are 10 years old. The feelings of emptiness, unhappiness, depression and self-hate took over my body and mind without me even being aware of it.

I have to say, looking at my life as an outsider you would never see or even imagine the inner turmoil I was going through. It is really hard to explain as well if you have never felt this way yourself.

 

 

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

I am not saying this goes for everyone, though for myself I would be in a relationship the beginning is euphoric. We are inseparable and looked at as a “power couple.” I was already picking out wedding dresses, homes, and what we were going to be naming our first child.

It never failed a couple months to some years down the road the relationship inevitably began it’s total self destruction. It may have not been the same problem. Yet, it literally felt just like the last break up. These were deeply rooted ingrained patterns.

Most people tend to create a new relationship based not on what they really want, but in what they perceive they are lacking. We look outside of ourselves to become happy. “When I find Someone, I will be happy, satisfied, fulfilled…..Fill in the blank”.

I know a lot of people may be able to relate that when we do find that “special” someone, it is exciting and breathtaking for a few months or years. This is a band aid. Those horrible monsters from our past start to poke their ugly heads from the sewers and from under our beds. Yet, they are not Mike Wazowski and Sulley from Monster, Inc.

We start blaming our partners for our loneliness, depression, self-hate and our unhappiness. We may even start to resent and hate our partner. Our partner may do the same to us.

Our relationships are mirror images of how we feel of ourselves.

This is not what you were looking for!

Let me hit it to you straight. Something I am still battling with everyday. NOTHING outside of ourselves, no relationship, no food, no drug, no alcohol….NOTHING will bring you true happiness, fulfillment or peace of heart.

You are your own hero, your own lover, your own answer to all of your prayers, and your own TRUE LOVE.

So, what the fuck do you do?

I’ve heard it time and time again from every damn self help book out there. “Can’t love anyone unless you love yourself first”. Okay. So, how do I love myself. I think I do.

Well, today is the day to become your one true love! Start to love every aspect of yourself, including the dark ones. Start to appreciate and love YOU. Your personality, your face, your crazy hair, your body, your mind; become your own best friend.

Find out what nourishes your soul, be it a walk in the park, painting, writing, reading, exercising, yoga, singing, etc. 

 

Start to embrace all that you are.

Stop looking to the outside to fill up your love tank. YOU are the treasure you have been looking for. So, stop your searching lovely!

Now to find ways to start your self-love journey. Honestly, I am still on mine and finding new ways that I am okay with. I have tried many that didn’t work for me. Or that I did for a while yet then fell off and slid right back into self-sabotage and hatred towards myself.

Begin by nurturing yourself. If you are like me you enjoy making others happy. You again are going outside of yourself to find “love”. Take time for yourself and tell people “NO”. What do you like to do? Start small and make sure to honor your time.

Meditate!

This is an incredible way to increase trust and love within yourself.

Begin with just 2 minutes of silence. This does not mean you can’t have things floating in your mind. Just breathe.

You can never be lonely when you actually listen, breathe, talk and feel your own spirit. The easiest way to get there is by meditating. Deep soul searching is met by meditating.

Once you find who you truly are and where you want to be is when a relationship will be satisfying. Only when two people have found themselves and are willing to see that they are individual souls that come together for their own journeys, their own thoughts, and their own lessons. Never be afraid that someone will leave you or go away. People have their own free will. A slave cannot be in a loving relationship.

Two free people in a relationship can soar.

If you are in a relationship or not, allow both of you to be free. Let them shine. Let you shine. You are the transformation the world needs to see. Both of you have your own journey to follow and pursue. You must have soul freedom and stop behaviors that are energetically demanding, fearing and draining.

There are people that are placed within our lives for specific reasons. Usually to teach us a new way. They are our angels on our path that brings us awareness to the areas we need to shed love and light on. We also are put into their lives so that we can also shed some light in areas that might be buried deep inside.

If you work on yourself you will begin to notice relationships, situations and life will change drastically around you.

If you currently are not with someone you will attract some one who vibrates at the same level as you are. You will attract better relationships in general as well as situations within your work, family, friends, etc. You cannot change anyone you can only change yourself.

Surround yourself with people, things, and thoughts with high vibration. These will give off light and love which will strengthen and nourish you. These are the connections you have always dreamed of, which are all possible now that you have found YOU!

For more help, take a look at Gabrielle Bernstein‘s titles Spirit Junkie, May Cause Miracles, and Add more -ing to your life. These are the newest self help books I have undergone for 2016 and she is magnificent! I also recommend her Miracle Membership!

XoXo,

Jenna-Clark-Signature